It is hard work - but it is worth it!

by Claire Silva
(USA)

A Child's Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse

I had a few people tell me that I would one day write a book, but I didn’t believe them.

In 1999, my husband, my 2 year old son “Joey”, and I went to Cape Verde to get my husband’s 9 year old son, “Adam”. Our intention was to complete our family and offer Adam a better life in America than the poverty he had suffered.

We worked hard to teach Adam English, daily hygiene, basic manners and how to keep up with academics. He did really well acculturating and was well liked by neighbors and friends. By the time he was 12, his teacher assured me I did not have to worry about him anymore, since all the teachers agreed he would be at the top of his class in high school if he kept up the same momentum.

Then in 2003, our world became unraveled when we learned who Adam really was. My son Joey was 5 years old at the time and disclosed the horror Adam subjected him to. Besides being a kleptomaniac and compulsive liar, we also learned that Adam was raping Joey each night and had tried to kill Joey numerous times. Three months after Adam was taken out of the house by the police, our 2 year old son “David” disclosed that he was also being sexually abused.

When we first learned that Adam was stealing, I began to write. As the weeks passed, we learned more about Adam, and my writing became compulsive. The child I had been raising for almost 4 years was a complete stranger to us. We had a sociopath living with us and never knew it!

It took 3 years to write A Child’s Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse. Joey and David were very involved in the process. I felt compelled to document their words, dreams and memories. As our family was abused by the state social service system and the courts—I explained each step in my written pages.

We found no support in our state and I turned to adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse for insight on supporting my children. In total, I interviewed 14 survivors across the country. Their stories and advice helped me to be a strong mother for my children.

I went to a writer’s conference and found an agent to represent our book. She seemed like a dedicated professional in the field that I would have probably liked working with, but her firm gave feedback I did not agree with. They felt I should change the cover (a cover my aunt designed for me), change the title (a title my son David came up with when he was 4 years old) and soften my communication about Adam.

I also had an editor from a known publishing company who was interested in viewing my work. But my gut nagged at me that it would not be the right move.

I wanted our story to be true. I wanted our message to be real and not sugar coated.

I spoke with some self-published authors and then decided that I would self-publish.

I became my own publishing company, had numerous friends and family members edit and re-edit my work, found a book printing company, built a website, and marketed my own work. I spoke in public, and was listed in several newspapers and magazines. I was on the radio a few times and ultimately appeared on the Montel Williams Show with my son Joey.

It was hard work putting together a book—especially since what I was writing about ripped my heart and soul to the core. But getting the painful memories out of my head and onto paper, and helping other families and other survivors—has been a healing process for my children and me.

After 2 years of heavily marketing and pushing A Child’s Heart Speaks: Surviving Sexual Abuse, I have emotionally retired. I now have the book listed at Author House – a print on demand company. They handle all of the printing and sales and I receive my quarterly commission check.

For anyone who is considering self-publishing, understand that it is a very humbling and empowering experience. If you can, try to enjoy the process and you will ultimately learn to work with, and respect the spiritual forces of the universe.

Visit Claire's site.